Would like to go to Bengals game. But must write depressing horoscopes all day. :(
#iamsinglebecause I dissed Taylor Swift at the MTV VMA’s and now chicks avoid me.
Would like to tailgate. But must edit fake news. :(
#iamsinglebecause Beyonce won’t call me back
Remember how hard Twittering was before the internet? I don’t know how we did it back then.
Would like to tailgate. But must edit fake news. :(
Our prediction: Bengals 17, Steelers 14
Would like to party after Bengals game. But must write lame dating profiles. :(
We’ll make up for not drinking today by drinking @ the DERF Happy Hour Fri @ Longworth’s! http://www.derfmagazine.com/happyhour
